A few months ago, I saw one of you put down their phone after twenty minutes, and change their expression.
Nothing had been taken away from him during those twenty minutes. His room was the same. We were the same. The day that lay ahead of him hadn’t moved an inch.
And yet, he had just become poorer.
I said nothing that day, because I wouldn’t have known what to say.
This chapter is the answer I owe you.
The Invisible Subtraction
What he had seen, I can guess.
A classmate traveling. A room bigger than his own. New shoes. A birthday celebrated and filmed as one films a wedding. Someone his age who seemed more beautiful, better surrounded, happier.
None of this belonged to him the day before. None of it was taken away from him that day.
Yet the subtraction did take place.
It did not take place in what he possessed.
It took place in what he compared what he possessed to.
The Text Begins with the Eyes
In the Surah Ta-Ha, Allah says :
وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعْنَا بِهِ أَزْوَاجًا مِّنْهُمْ زَهْرَةَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا لِنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ ۚ وَرِزْقُ رَبِّكَ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَىٰ
« Do not fix your gaze on what We have bestowed upon some of them as adornment of the life of this world by which We test them. What your Lord grants is better and more lasting. »
Surah Ta-Ha, verse 131.
Reread the beginning :
وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيْنَيْكَ
Do not extend your gaze.
The verse does not begin with envy. It does not even begin with desire.
It begins with the eyes.
As if the text intervenes an instant before the feeling, at the moment when that feeling is still being formed.
I took a long time to understand why this order exists. Modern psychology helped me better grasp the mechanism.
Why We Compare
In 1954, the psychologist Leon Festinger published his theory of social comparison.
His starting idea is simple: human beings seek to know where they stand. When objective benchmarks are missing or insufficient, others can become a measuring instrument.
We do not compare ourselves necessarily because we are ungrateful or bad.
Sometimes we simply try to answer a question:
Where do I stand?
A student looks at their class’s results. A runner watches someone faster. An apprentice watches someone who already masters the craft.
The problem starts when this instrument of comparison becomes permanent.
What a Screen Changes
A social feed can present to you in a few minutes dozens of lives to compare yourself with.
The face. The body. The money. The vacations. The school results. The house. The clothes. The friends.
But it rarely shows a whole life.
At school, you know a classmate in several dimensions. You know they can be excellent in one subject and struggle in another.
Online, context disappears easily.
You see the result without the failures.
The trip without the other eleven months.
The body without the insecurities.
Success without the years when no one watched it.
And you sometimes end up comparing the inside of your life with the outside of others’.
The mechanism did not originate with social networks. The screen did not invent it. It has simply made it much more available, much more frequent, and sometimes almost permanent.
What Research Observes
A meta-analysis published in 2026 in Frontiers in Psychology looked at online upward social comparison, that is, comparing oneself to people perceived as better off.
It finds an average correlation of 0.330 between this form of comparison and various indicators of psychological difficulties. The article was accepted on April 21, 2026 and published online in May 2026. :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}
Let me also immediately note the limitation of this figure.
A correlation does not prove causation.
We cannot conclude that watching someone who seems to do better automatically makes you unhappy. It is also possible that someone already in difficulty is more prone to comparing themselves.
I’d rather say that than turn a study into a certainty it does not provide.
Not Every Upward Look Hurts
I would be just as dishonest if I told you that every comparison is bad.
Seeing someone run a marathon can make you want to start running.
Reading the path of a good student can push you to work.
Watching someone who masters their craft can show you what years of effort can accomplish.
So I’d like to give you one very simple question:
Does what I look at make me want to take action, or merely to possess?
If it makes you want to learn, to work, or to progress, looking can become a direction.
If it only leaves you with the feeling that your own life is worth less, then perhaps it’s time to look away.
The Quran Does Not Ask You to Stop Desiring
Another verse seems essential to me.
In the Surah An-Nisa, Allah says :
وَلَا تَتَمَنَّوْا مَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بِهِ بَعْضَكُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ ۚ لِّلرِّجَالِ نَصِيبٌ مِّمَّمَّا اكْتَسَبُوا وَلِلنِّسَاءِ نَصِيبٌ مِّمَّمَّا اكْتَسَبْنَ ۚ وَاسْأَلُوا اللَّهَ مِن فَضْلِهِ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمًا
« Do not covet what Allah has favored some of you over others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah for His grace. Indeed, Allah is Knowing of all things. »
Surah An-Nisa, verse 32.
Look at the movement of the verse.
It does not stop at: “Do not covet.”
It continues: “Ask Allah for His grace.”
You therefore have the right to want more.
You have the right to dream, to ask, to work, to succeed, to travel, to build a beautiful life.
The problem is not necessarily desire.
The problem is sometimes not knowing who chose this desire for us.
Do you want to become a doctor because that path calls you, or because someone else’s success suddenly made you consider your own path as inferior?
Do you want to travel because you want to discover the world, or because twenty images have ended up convincing you that a successful life must look like that?
From the outside, desires may seem identical.
But they do not come from the same place.
What I Ask of You
Three things only.
The first: reclaim a measure that belongs to you.
Instead of asking: “Am I as good as him?”, ask: “Have I progressed in the last six months?”
A better grade. A faster time for a distance. A book finished. A skill acquired. A sum saved.
When you start measuring your life by your own rule, others’ yardstick loses a bit of its power.
The second: sometimes, change what you look at.
A randomized trial published in 2022 asked 154 adults to either continue using social networks as usual, or take a one-week break. The researchers observed, at the end of the week, better well-being outcomes and more favorable scores regarding anxiety and depression in the pause group. The study is short, about adults, and obviously does not mean that a week without networks fixes these difficulties. :contentReference[oaicite:1]{index=1}
But it reminds us of something simple: sometimes it is easier to act on what we look at than to try to repair everything you feel afterwards.
The third: count, from time to time, what you have.
Not as a magical formula.
Not to forbid you from wanting more.
But because what we never count often ends up being worth zero in our minds.
What I Cannot Ask of You
I cannot ask you to never compare yourself.
I cannot do it myself.
There are times when I see a man my age succeed and feel something rise that I do not like.
Your father is not cured of this either.
I cannot either ask you not to desire anything.
The Qur’an itself does not close the door to desire. After saying not to covet what has been granted to others, it adds :
« Ask Allah for His grace. »
Desire.
Ask.
Work.
Build.
But try to know where your desire comes from.
Because there is a difference between pursuing something you chose and running your whole life after what others taught you to want.
So, the day you put down your phone feeling poorer than when you picked it up, remember this:
Nothing was taken from you during those twenty minutes.
Your room is still there.
Your family too.
Your life as well.
Your benchmark has shifted.
And before you go sprinting after what you suddenly lack, simply ask yourself this question:
Who taught me to desire this?
